$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
