There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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