My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
