was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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