It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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