nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
