the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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