"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
