i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
