Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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