im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
