): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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