On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize