Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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