Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my being single is dangerous.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
