If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
