Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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