Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
