"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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