the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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