My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
