WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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