I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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