who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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