omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
don't judge my taste in strippers
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
