Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
