I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
