coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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