And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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