You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
