Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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