life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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