Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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