My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
