In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
