I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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