I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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