; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
