I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
