He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
