we have officially lost it.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
