...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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