drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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