I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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