Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
