Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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