I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
