When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
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I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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