I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
