i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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