She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
