I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
