imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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