i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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