Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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