I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
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