But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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