If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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