THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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