I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize