I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize