i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
