i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
